Pale Girl Speaks

Allison's Story

I grew up in Orange County. A southern Californian fair-skinned blue-eyed blonde, who spent countless hours and days bathing in the warm sun, desiring that golden tan skin. I spent many summer afternoons lounging at the beach or the pool with my girlfriends, when I wasn’t coaching swimming lessons or lifeguarding at the local college pool. I graduated from high school at Capo Valley. I kept sun bathing. I continued teaching private swim lessons- I never wore a hat. I never wore sunscreen like my dad had warned so many times. I always would burn, then burn again, eventually building up a base tan. This process took place every summer. I was accepted to Otis Design School in Los Angeles. I wanted to be a fashion designer. In 1996, I had a beautiful baby girl and named her Madison Alexis. She became my everything. I was a single mom and it was just the two of us. I taught her how to swim and we spent many Summer days lounging around the pool or at the beach. One autumn day, I woke up and suddenly realized I had a mole on the inside of my left calf. I made an appointment with my family physician to have him look at the mole. I trusted him. He knew me well- he had known my history and could give me advice on what to do. An hour later, the appointment ended. He told me it was just a mole and wasn’t anything I needed to worry about. He suggested I have it burnt off, if it was really bothering me. He definitely did not seem concerned. Months would pass, which somehow turned into a year. The mole was still there, but this time, it had changed color and size and shape. I swore I thought I just kept cutting it while I was shaving. I thought it had just formed a scab. I would remind myself it was nothing. The doctor even said so. I kept covering it with band-aids…..until one day is started bleeding. I dropped off my little one at preschool early one day, kissed her goodbye, and drove to the emergency room. I heard them say over and over, “No, it sure doesn’t look like cancer.” I was feeling relieved. They told me they didn’t know for sure, but that they recommend I see a dermatologist. I had never seen a dermatologist before. I always had good skin. They handed me a piece of paper with the number of a dermatologist and told me to make an appointment as soon as possible. Luckily, they had an opening the very next Monday. I was in. Madison and I drove to my appointment. The doctor entered the room and within 30 seconds of viewing the mole, he urgently asked me how long I had had it for. I explained to him that I was a super busy, single mom, was going to school, working full time and raising a daughter, etc…..”I don’t know”, I said. “A month. A few months. A year.” I had lost track of time. He was not happy. After he performed the biopsy he said he would call with lab results within the next 3-5 days. He was sending the mole out for testing. I wanted to cry. On April 10, 2001, at the age of 27, I was diagnosed with Stage III melanoma. The disease had traveled to my lymph nodes and I had to have seven removed, along with a wide excision biopsy. After the wound healed, I was referred to an oncologist and underwent 30 days of interferon treatment. It was brutal. My family came in to help me with Madison. I became obsessed with Madison being exposed to the sun. I stayed out completely. We put on sun screen every moment we walked outside the door. I wanted her safe. I just wanted to live. After four years, I stopped getting regular check ups and started living my life as a cancer survivor. My wound healed (there is still a gigantic hole there). My daughter was growing bigger. Hooray-I was still a mommy. I started my own clothing line and lived each day as if I was normal. Of course I was tired, but I kept on going. Of course there were days when I wanted to lay in bed each day, but I was determined to fight this and to fulfill my dreams. Everything was fine until March, 2008. I was at my local gym working out, when I suddenly felt dizzy and started seeing little white lights spark in front of me. I thought that I was just exhausted from pushing so hard and because I hadn’t eaten anything all morning. Besides I hadn’t been inside a gym in over a year. I got down from the Stairmaster and walked into the bathroom to wash my hands. I was looking into the mirror, when I noticed the little white lights again. I felt sleepy, so I walked into the locker room and laid down on the bench. I closed my eyes…. I awoke in the emergency room at Harbor UCLA hospital, strapped down on a gurney. I was admitted to the hospital and results would show that I had two tumors in my brain and a clump of tumors in my lungs. My melanoma had returned! They diagnosed me with Stage IV melanoma and told me the prognosis was not good. Not good at all. I underwent four weeks of radiation, followed by the first treatment of chemotherapy. I was in pain, my hair fell out completely, I was always tired, I could not stop coughing, I had an upset stomach every morning, but I kept working. I wasn’t about to let this disease eat me. I was determined to fight. My daughter decided to move in with her father. She said it was too painful to see me and she didn’t feel comfortable sleeping next to me. She was afraid she would catch my melanoma. Hearing this was more painful than any tumor or any treatment. I was also losing my little baby to this terrible disease. May, 2008: I have been seeing two new melanoma doctors for one month now. I qualified for a clinical trial and am currently into my 12 week program. I still work every single day. I strongly believe it is all in your mind. I can lie in bed and let this disease eat me or I can get up, get dressed, look in the mirror and thank god for the two things that drive me. I will continue to fight so my daughter will come home. I will continue to fight so my company will grow. I will continue to fight so my hair will grow back. I will continue to fight so I can drive again. I will continue to fight so I can stop coughing for one day. I will continue to fight until I beat this disease. -This is my best friend’s story, in her own words. She lost her courageous battle with melanoma in 2009. She asked me never to stop sharing this story and educating others.